Cow Slaughter

I remember reading this nearly three decades ago. My cousin had brought it over. In fact, he termed the essay as “Cow Slaughter”. This piece has made its way to me vide a fwd and is published here for your pleasure. I am unable to trace and accredit the originator.

Indian Cow

He is the cow. The cow is a successful animal. Also he is 4 footed, And because he is female, he give milks, [but will do so when he is got child.] He is same like-God, sacred to Hindus and useful to man. But he has got four legs together. Two are forward and two are afterwards.His whole body can be utilized for use. More so the milk. Milk comes from 4 taps attached to his basement... [horses don't have any such attachment] What can it do? Various ghee, butter, cream, curd, why and the condensed milk and so forth. Also he is useful to cobbler, watermans and mankind generally.

His motion is slow only because he is of lazy species., Also his other motion.... gober is much useful to trees, plants as well as for making flat cakes [like Pizza ], in hand , and drying in the sun.

Cow is the only animal that extricates his feeding after eating. Then afterwards she chew with his teeth whom are situated in the inside of the mouth.

He is incessantly in the meadows in the grass. His only attacking and defending organ is the horns, specially so when he is got child. This is done by knowing his head whereby he causes the weapons to be paralleled to the ground of the earth and instantly proceed with great velocity forwards. He has got tails also, situated in the backyard, but not like similar animals. It has hairs on the other end of the other side. This is done to frighten away the flies which alight on his cohesive body hereupon he gives hit with it. The palms of his feet are soft unto the touch. So the grasses head is not crushed. At night time have poses by looking down on the ground and he shouts. His eyes and nose are like his other relatives.

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An essay written by a successful (non-verified) candidate in UPSC Entrance examination. I hear that this candidate is now an IAS offr, somewhere in Bihar. (non-verified)

I almost threw up

I hit a link to Shobha De's interview by Karan Thapar's on the Devil's Advocate.

Shobhaa De: Well, if you go to West Bengal, Karan, do you hear anything but Bengali being spoken? Does anyone mind? You go to Karnataka, do you hear anything but Kannada being spoken? If you go to Tamil Nadu, do you hear anything but Tamil being spoken? So in that sense, may be a disconnect is happening in Mumbai. People think Mumbai belongs to all of India and therefore not parochially bound.

I was dumbfounded. And then came this

Shobhaa De: ..... Also, it’s a Maharashtrian city, people who choose to live there should learn and speak Marathi. If I were to make West Bengal my home, I jolly well (would) learn Bengali. If I choose to live in Punjab, I should learn to speak in Punjabi. All the signages, all over India, happen to be in two languages, sometimes in three. You go anywhere in India, the signages are in local script. Why is it that Mumbai is being picked on for insisting on both signages – Devnagiri, which is also Marathi, and English.

I almost threw up!

Lemme get this straight. I was born in Pune. So I should know Marathi. My folks then moved to Meerut. I did learn Hindi. They then went to Jorhat, I should be spouting Ahomi. then came Calcutta. I did manage to pick up Bengali. There was some time spent in Bangalore and Guntur - okay so Kannada and Telegu needs to be covered. I've done time since then in Leh, Srinagar, Bathinda and Arunanchal and am now in Jodhpur. SO that takes care of Kashmiri, Ladakhi, Punjabi and Marwari. Oh I almost forgot, My old man is a Mallu and mom is a tam-bram.

So I need to speak, read and write eleven , make that thirteen languages. Then and only then will Ms De be happy. KT rarely disappoints when he wields the (knife) mike.

A hooligan starts terrorizing non-marathis. His gangsters, a bunch of bullies start beating up people. And Ms De who gets her knickers in a twist every now and then with "enough is enough" and "they didn't enlist my cook in the army" endorses that whacko's views.

De madam tussi great ho,